Movie Review: How To Make A Monster

1/10

Since I can't face describing this atrocious failure of a movie - have the fruits of my bored twittering throughout.

Creature Features is apparently a set of films attempting to an attempt to recapture B-Movie values for the modern (90s) age. It fails utterly.

The best B Movies are good movies with low budgets, like for example Blair Witch or Evil Dead.

This is just a bad movie with terrible acting, millions of plotholes, lousy production and no fun bits. B-Movies are often bad, but why anyone would intentionally deliver something so one dimensional, cliché ridden and lame as this is beyond me.

Avoid it if you can!

21:23 2nghts movie's Creature Features' "How To Make A Monster" -will be bad,but knowingly so. Like idea of homages 2 BMovies but ty hrdly eva wrk. #

21:24 Movie - alreeady is bad - computer game designers trying to make scary game... I bet I know where this is going #

21:25 ridiculous over clichéd geek charaxcter called "bug" spotty greasy with glasses. Sad. #

21:26 Tyler Mane playing a character called "Hardcore". He was a wrestler. Tyler Mane that is #

21:26 Best line so far: "It's a dump. I love dumps" #

21:27 This five minutes in and I've already tweeted four times. "They're cookies, not hemlock - you paranoid sociopath!" #

21:28 ???? Computer company owner lady has weird young boy voice... #

21:30 I think my eyes have started bleeding - this film is SOOOO bad! #

21:31 "Scary is, as scary does!" - Hardcore #

21:32 OK - think I'm getting the picture, it's meant to be a comedy... #

21:32 but not in a particularly funny way. #

21:35 "I won't be an intern forever..." #

21:39 "Pussy - you fight like a lesbian biker b___ch" - Hardcore. I'm thinking this may be a lost David Mamet screenplay #

21:46 seriously considering turning this piece of rubbish off - it's that bad. And not even funny. #

21:50 Oh my dear god. Weird Dominatrix they brought in for Mocap is topless and bouncing... Lightning strikes... inexplicably since they are s ... #

21:51 OH! And lightning strike! Let me guess... #

21:52 whoa! first f word... #

21:56 dear god. the game they've designed is hilariously bad #

21:59 Ah yes, the intern has a world changing dotcom startup idea that's about charity. #

22:01 ARGH! Meaningful chat - "you either become a monster, or a victim" ouch #

22:03 Ah yes - "Hello?" and then going to investigate a strange noise - how original... #

22:07 this is horrible... just horrible. I am starting to feel ill #

22:09 "Failure's the worst prison there is... noone gives a s__t about you - not even the interns" #

22:11 Every actor in this film was just outperformed by a tray of brownies. #

22:14 ah yes... and the phones are out naturally #

22:16 oh dear - the mocap sutit is alive. what a genius twist. It seems to be able to vanish at will, too #

22:20 At least there's some gore now.AND HOW DOES A MOCAP SUIT GROW VINE LIKE WIRES THAT GRAB BODY PARTS AND ATTACH THEM TO ITSELF???#

22:21 A mocap suit... is this the worst monster ever? #

22:25 It's a really bad thing when your main reaction to monster movie is to yawn #

22:35 aaaand Bug sacrifices himself.... almost certainly with no reason. #

22:38 The only way to win is if a woman can beat the computer game- where's Scribsy when you need her? #

22:49 So - you're making a movie about a computer game that comes alive - is it important to know anything about hw computers wrk? You'd have thought #

22:53 Oh dear: This film's moral is - to be successful you must become a monster. In a really hackneyed way. At least its over now. #

22:54 Can you beat a souped up MoCap suit to the "worst monster ever crown"? Send me a tweet folks! Signing off for a while #