3/10
Imagine a pubescent teenager reads a psychology textbook, gets a word processor and has a rich dad. This is the sort of film that would plummet out of his scarcely formed brain cells.
It's a sort of pseudo-intellectual misery porno with Zach Braff playing the oh so tortured ex TV star reduced to working in a restaurant (oh the horror of employment!) and with daddy issues to boot, heading home for a few days to attend his mother's funeral.
While there he bumps into his old school chums, meets a girl and "gets a new shot at life". It really is as yawn inducing as that sounds.
All his friends are hateful, his father is traumatised, he gets attracted to a compulsive liar who is played by Natalie Portman. NATALIE PORTMAN! Seriously, is there any role she has ever done that someone else couldn't be an immeasurably better in? This one is almost written for Maggie Gyllenhall, though she may well have turned it down.
This is a perfect storm for me - horridly trite and wilfully earnest, it skirts the boundary between dull and hateful very well, only sliding over into genuinely hateful on the occasions where Braff's attempts to elicit my sympathy for his character are undermined by his miserably predictable depressive behaviour.
I like Braff for the most part, he's a goofy, likable screen presence in Scrubs on TV, but here he's just a black hole of self important dullness.
Suffice to say, I was not keen on this film.
A
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Quick Movie Review: Night At The Museum
5/10
I thought since the sequel to this film is number one at the box office right now I'd take a punt at the original since it was on.
Kids films are a little tough on writers and directors; you want thenm to be exciting and occasionally sad in an unthreatening way but you also need to put some slapstick and laughs in too. Far too often the balance is fluffed totally and you either get an over-earnest preachy turn off or even worse a shallow, pies in faces waste of time.
Past masters at this balance are the nice folks at Pixar, but Night at The Museum has enough of everything to remain inoffensively entertaining and a decent message for young kids too - that history can be wonderful, and they'd better get the hell down to their local museum before the nice divorcee loses his job!
Seriously, why are so many families divorced in films now? It used to be just in Spielberg films that every family is broken up and miserable.
Anyway, I'd put this one slightly higher in my estimation than Jumanji since it manages to be as fun as it is action based - Jumanji had a few too many creepy "hunter hunting people" bits for my taste.
I wouldn't say it's going to get any oscars though. Or did it?
A
See the full post by clicking here...
I thought since the sequel to this film is number one at the box office right now I'd take a punt at the original since it was on.
Kids films are a little tough on writers and directors; you want thenm to be exciting and occasionally sad in an unthreatening way but you also need to put some slapstick and laughs in too. Far too often the balance is fluffed totally and you either get an over-earnest preachy turn off or even worse a shallow, pies in faces waste of time.
Past masters at this balance are the nice folks at Pixar, but Night at The Museum has enough of everything to remain inoffensively entertaining and a decent message for young kids too - that history can be wonderful, and they'd better get the hell down to their local museum before the nice divorcee loses his job!
Seriously, why are so many families divorced in films now? It used to be just in Spielberg films that every family is broken up and miserable.
Anyway, I'd put this one slightly higher in my estimation than Jumanji since it manages to be as fun as it is action based - Jumanji had a few too many creepy "hunter hunting people" bits for my taste.
I wouldn't say it's going to get any oscars though. Or did it?
A
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Quick Review: 12 Rounds
4/10
Have you seen Die Hard With A Vengeance? You've seen 12 Rounds.
The main thing of interest is whether John Cena, wrestler turned actor "du jour" has any future at all in the acting game; I would say a qualified yes - as an action hero he is far to 80s/90s for the modern world, next to normal sized modern heroes like uber-torturer Jack Bauer and nicey-nicey Jason Bourne, a hulking Arnie type action man blowing stuff up with impunity, all the while looking as earnest as a cow during a bowel movement, is dated and simultaneously quite endearing.
His niche may well be as a sort of lower rent Arnie - tough guys and superheros maybe, but ordinary cop? Not likely. Perhpas I'm being generous and a burgeoning career in motion capture awaits the guy. He's a likable screen presence, but you'll be in no danger of thinking he's the new Bruce Willis.
As for the rest of the cast, the only notable member is Aiden Gillen - who turns in a wonderfully cheque cashing performance as the villain.
As obvious retreads go, it is inoffensive but pointless, and appeals sometimes to the very lowest IQs - notably in the final fight between the leads where Cena's wife explains the action beats as we go ("He's got a gun!" comes two seconds AFTER Gillen fires at Cena).
The evil plan is so tortuous that it makes absolutely no sense - and some of the solutions don't either (e.g. assuming cutting the power to a tram will stop it dead when it is heading downhill).
So it's not a terrible film, but its existence won't send even the merest ripple across the still pond of American Film-Making.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
Have you seen Die Hard With A Vengeance? You've seen 12 Rounds.
The main thing of interest is whether John Cena, wrestler turned actor "du jour" has any future at all in the acting game; I would say a qualified yes - as an action hero he is far to 80s/90s for the modern world, next to normal sized modern heroes like uber-torturer Jack Bauer and nicey-nicey Jason Bourne, a hulking Arnie type action man blowing stuff up with impunity, all the while looking as earnest as a cow during a bowel movement, is dated and simultaneously quite endearing.
His niche may well be as a sort of lower rent Arnie - tough guys and superheros maybe, but ordinary cop? Not likely. Perhpas I'm being generous and a burgeoning career in motion capture awaits the guy. He's a likable screen presence, but you'll be in no danger of thinking he's the new Bruce Willis.
As for the rest of the cast, the only notable member is Aiden Gillen - who turns in a wonderfully cheque cashing performance as the villain.
As obvious retreads go, it is inoffensive but pointless, and appeals sometimes to the very lowest IQs - notably in the final fight between the leads where Cena's wife explains the action beats as we go ("He's got a gun!" comes two seconds AFTER Gillen fires at Cena).
The evil plan is so tortuous that it makes absolutely no sense - and some of the solutions don't either (e.g. assuming cutting the power to a tram will stop it dead when it is heading downhill).
So it's not a terrible film, but its existence won't send even the merest ripple across the still pond of American Film-Making.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
Movie Review: Drag Me To Hell
8/10
A lot of horror films these days are very self conscious and precious, relying on some gimmick or sick over the top murders, torture and gore to pull in the world's jaded genre lovers. Failing that, they ink into a pathetically adolescent mire of nihilistic hopelessness.
Of course, horror films have always contained a certain level of comedy too - one of our most common defences against fear is laughter, and commonly we respond to the terrible with a nervous chuckle or laugh. We also love to be scared anyway - what other species would willingly put its life at risk on a bit of metal shooting around at 90mph through loops and bends and sheer drops? It's exciting, and excitment is one of the benefits conscious life gives us.
Despite these facts, broad obvious comedy and horror don't really work together; that is to say, comedy with jokes is terrible. Comedy arising from genuinely horrible events is how the most successful genre movies succeed - particularly in Sam Raimi's Evil Dead, where none of the humour is played anything other than straight, and we enjoy a huge laugh at the expense of the hapless and put upon anti-hero that is Bruce Campbell's legendary "Ash" as things go from bad to worse. And then get worser. And then get worserer.
Raimi is back to doing the same trick in Drag Me To Hell, only Bruce Campbell's geek turned psycho has been replaced with Alison Lohmann's cute as a button Loans manager. In fact the major disappointemnt here is that Campbell is not present at all, even in a miniscule form like Ted Raimi's "blink and you'll miss the back of his shoulder" cameo.
What makes this film better than 99% of the current trendy torture-porn or lazy remake set is that it is utterly focussed, relentless and true to its admittedly hokey subject. No character ever breaks the fourth wall and starts expounding on how ridiculous everything is from a post modern oh so clever standpoint. Noone is killed purely for pointless shock value, and what shocks there are, are highly crafted and timed to perfection, relying on an icky "ewwww" factor more than a gory "vomit" factor. This means that the certifcate can be a market maximising 15, without cutting back on the actual effectiveness of the movie.
And sure, some of the figures are clichéd and obvious - the domineering mother, the evil gypsy, the so nice it's embarrassing boyfriend, but what the film is actually about is entertainment. There's no beat or manouevre made that isn't purely to build up to the next part of the ride; never before has Raimi's Ghost House production studio actually lived up to its name.
Another factor in your involvement here is how UNFAIR the whole situation is - Lohmann's Christine Brown hasn't really done anything wrong at all; as someone who has worked in collections I can assert that the fault for non payment of Mrs Ganush's mortgage lies, in the end with Mrs Ganush (or the jackass that gave her a sub-prime mortgage) so the whole way through you are rooting for Christine to right this wrong.
It is exciting, unpretentious, memorable and funny.
Plus there's a talking goat. Awesome.
Highly recommended for fans of the genre and especially fans of Sam Raimi's early work. It's not as good as Evil Dead or its sequel (both would get a 9/10 from me) but it is the best horror movie I have seen in years.
(The Orphanage, while an incredible achievement, doesn't count, since anyone who describes that as horror missed the point entirely)
A
See the full post by clicking here...
A lot of horror films these days are very self conscious and precious, relying on some gimmick or sick over the top murders, torture and gore to pull in the world's jaded genre lovers. Failing that, they ink into a pathetically adolescent mire of nihilistic hopelessness.
Of course, horror films have always contained a certain level of comedy too - one of our most common defences against fear is laughter, and commonly we respond to the terrible with a nervous chuckle or laugh. We also love to be scared anyway - what other species would willingly put its life at risk on a bit of metal shooting around at 90mph through loops and bends and sheer drops? It's exciting, and excitment is one of the benefits conscious life gives us.
Despite these facts, broad obvious comedy and horror don't really work together; that is to say, comedy with jokes is terrible. Comedy arising from genuinely horrible events is how the most successful genre movies succeed - particularly in Sam Raimi's Evil Dead, where none of the humour is played anything other than straight, and we enjoy a huge laugh at the expense of the hapless and put upon anti-hero that is Bruce Campbell's legendary "Ash" as things go from bad to worse. And then get worser. And then get worserer.
Raimi is back to doing the same trick in Drag Me To Hell, only Bruce Campbell's geek turned psycho has been replaced with Alison Lohmann's cute as a button Loans manager. In fact the major disappointemnt here is that Campbell is not present at all, even in a miniscule form like Ted Raimi's "blink and you'll miss the back of his shoulder" cameo.
What makes this film better than 99% of the current trendy torture-porn or lazy remake set is that it is utterly focussed, relentless and true to its admittedly hokey subject. No character ever breaks the fourth wall and starts expounding on how ridiculous everything is from a post modern oh so clever standpoint. Noone is killed purely for pointless shock value, and what shocks there are, are highly crafted and timed to perfection, relying on an icky "ewwww" factor more than a gory "vomit" factor. This means that the certifcate can be a market maximising 15, without cutting back on the actual effectiveness of the movie.
And sure, some of the figures are clichéd and obvious - the domineering mother, the evil gypsy, the so nice it's embarrassing boyfriend, but what the film is actually about is entertainment. There's no beat or manouevre made that isn't purely to build up to the next part of the ride; never before has Raimi's Ghost House production studio actually lived up to its name.
Another factor in your involvement here is how UNFAIR the whole situation is - Lohmann's Christine Brown hasn't really done anything wrong at all; as someone who has worked in collections I can assert that the fault for non payment of Mrs Ganush's mortgage lies, in the end with Mrs Ganush (or the jackass that gave her a sub-prime mortgage) so the whole way through you are rooting for Christine to right this wrong.
It is exciting, unpretentious, memorable and funny.
Plus there's a talking goat. Awesome.
Highly recommended for fans of the genre and especially fans of Sam Raimi's early work. It's not as good as Evil Dead or its sequel (both would get a 9/10 from me) but it is the best horror movie I have seen in years.
(The Orphanage, while an incredible achievement, doesn't count, since anyone who describes that as horror missed the point entirely)
A
See the full post by clicking here...
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
A day of movies
I don't get out much, me.
What with being hopelessly poor and unemployed (not for lack of trying) I don't get to the cinema as much as I'd like - the cost in London is at least £8 per movie, and seeing as how I can't afford the £16.50 a month for an unlimited pass - I'm on cereal at lunch time as it is - it is a rare thing indeed when I get to see so many films as I did this Sunday.
Major props need to go to my buddies Dave & Dave (genuinely), who helped me out with the prices of the tickets so I could see three new movies in an afternoon, which is near enough to my idea of heaven.
Appropriate then, that the one that was any good was Drag Me To Hell - Sam Raimi's morality tale about greed and consequences.
And the importance of taking your mother off speakerphone.
The others, Tormented and 12 Rounds were not so good, the former being lame and uninteresting, the latter being a remake of Die Hard With A Vengeance (sans any acknowledgement, natch.) with a wrestler in the lead role and, predictably, less charisma.
Reviews of the movies will be up in a bit - but I was really pleased to get back to the cinema . I love the whole experience; from ignorant queue jumpers who ask to see the "Beyoncé movie" (I believe it's called, Obsession) to shaking your head at the frankly balls out rip off that is £3.15 for a watered down cup of SodaStream.
So, forget that two of the three movies were lame - the company was good, the seats were good, and the whole experience brings a warm feeling to my heart.
So reignited was my passion for films that when I got home I watched two more - the kids film Night At The Museum (a nice way to spend Sunday evening) and later on, I introduced Mrs Algo to the joy and wonder that is Bride Of Frankenstein.
The downside - really weird dreams combining elements of all five films. A reanimated dinosaur with Frankenstein shouting "Rexy's Alive" who then kills a bunch of irritating schoolkids before kidnapping John Cena's wife and getting cursed by the freakiest lady ever.
(John Stewart impression) -
"Hello... Hollywood? I've got this great idea for a film...
What's it called? I'll tell you what it's called....
Drag the 12 Brides Of Frankenstein to the Tormented Museum of Hell.
Yes I'll Hold........."
The upside?
The name "Darren Mullet" will now be a signal for all rubbish slasher movie villains. And lazy shorthand is what got this country where it is today.
Here endeth the lesson.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
What with being hopelessly poor and unemployed (not for lack of trying) I don't get to the cinema as much as I'd like - the cost in London is at least £8 per movie, and seeing as how I can't afford the £16.50 a month for an unlimited pass - I'm on cereal at lunch time as it is - it is a rare thing indeed when I get to see so many films as I did this Sunday.
Major props need to go to my buddies Dave & Dave (genuinely), who helped me out with the prices of the tickets so I could see three new movies in an afternoon, which is near enough to my idea of heaven.
Appropriate then, that the one that was any good was Drag Me To Hell - Sam Raimi's morality tale about greed and consequences.
And the importance of taking your mother off speakerphone.
The others, Tormented and 12 Rounds were not so good, the former being lame and uninteresting, the latter being a remake of Die Hard With A Vengeance (sans any acknowledgement, natch.) with a wrestler in the lead role and, predictably, less charisma.
Reviews of the movies will be up in a bit - but I was really pleased to get back to the cinema . I love the whole experience; from ignorant queue jumpers who ask to see the "Beyoncé movie" (I believe it's called, Obsession) to shaking your head at the frankly balls out rip off that is £3.15 for a watered down cup of SodaStream.
So, forget that two of the three movies were lame - the company was good, the seats were good, and the whole experience brings a warm feeling to my heart.
So reignited was my passion for films that when I got home I watched two more - the kids film Night At The Museum (a nice way to spend Sunday evening) and later on, I introduced Mrs Algo to the joy and wonder that is Bride Of Frankenstein.
The downside - really weird dreams combining elements of all five films. A reanimated dinosaur with Frankenstein shouting "Rexy's Alive" who then kills a bunch of irritating schoolkids before kidnapping John Cena's wife and getting cursed by the freakiest lady ever.
(John Stewart impression) -
"Hello... Hollywood? I've got this great idea for a film...
What's it called? I'll tell you what it's called....
Drag the 12 Brides Of Frankenstein to the Tormented Museum of Hell.
Yes I'll Hold........."
The upside?
The name "Darren Mullet" will now be a signal for all rubbish slasher movie villains. And lazy shorthand is what got this country where it is today.
Here endeth the lesson.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Movie Review: Tormented
3/10
Goodness me... what have we come to, when this thing gets to the cinema, rather than straight to video as it deserves.
A group of bullies are followed after a schoolchild takes his own life, receiving nasty text messages from, and threatening glimpses of the deceased (a rather embarrassingly monickered "Darren Mullet"). One by one those responsible for his maltreatment are picked off in extremely predictable style, as old as the very first of this genre (Black Christmas, we believe).
In fact, so odd is this film that only about forty five minutes in does it become clear the makers intended this to be a comedy. In no other genre would portentous shots of a grossly obese young man who frequently puffs on his asthma inhaler despite being dead, first seen in full when he "bombs" onto a girl in the swimming pool.
The film is far from scary - in fact, its predictability is its greatest weakness - as is a sketchy approach to motiviations and characters.
Every character is an archetype, almost comically stereotyped - presumably to induce the least possible effort from the films viewers - and this leads to some hilarious moments; not least the fact that none of the schoolchildren appear to have parents at all, no explanation whatsoever given for their absences.
The ending too is outrageously simplistic and stupid, requiring a leap of logic of gargantuan proportions on the part of the police force - though since every single adult in the film is so moronic and hateful we are barely surprised.
This falls squarely into the "don't bother" camp - so don't.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
Goodness me... what have we come to, when this thing gets to the cinema, rather than straight to video as it deserves.
A group of bullies are followed after a schoolchild takes his own life, receiving nasty text messages from, and threatening glimpses of the deceased (a rather embarrassingly monickered "Darren Mullet"). One by one those responsible for his maltreatment are picked off in extremely predictable style, as old as the very first of this genre (Black Christmas, we believe).
In fact, so odd is this film that only about forty five minutes in does it become clear the makers intended this to be a comedy. In no other genre would portentous shots of a grossly obese young man who frequently puffs on his asthma inhaler despite being dead, first seen in full when he "bombs" onto a girl in the swimming pool.
The film is far from scary - in fact, its predictability is its greatest weakness - as is a sketchy approach to motiviations and characters.
Every character is an archetype, almost comically stereotyped - presumably to induce the least possible effort from the films viewers - and this leads to some hilarious moments; not least the fact that none of the schoolchildren appear to have parents at all, no explanation whatsoever given for their absences.
The ending too is outrageously simplistic and stupid, requiring a leap of logic of gargantuan proportions on the part of the police force - though since every single adult in the film is so moronic and hateful we are barely surprised.
This falls squarely into the "don't bother" camp - so don't.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
Quick Movie Review: 24:REDEMPTION
6/10
This extended TV episode (I can't call it a movie) follows everyone's favourite War criminal, Jack Bauer, as he attempts to save the lives of some nice kids from the presumably fictional African state of Sangara, as the revolution (or coup, depending on to whom you speak) in that country gathers pace.
Robert Carlyle provides ample support and much needed adult company for Keifer Sutherland, who has disappointingly put a stop to the 24 drinking game (drink every time he says "damn it" or tortures someone) with a new post-Abu Ghraib sensibility. It's a perfectly decent little story, but acts as little more than an interlude between series, and far more excitement is found in the 15 minutes worth of season 7 included on this disc as bonus material.
24 is always the better for its long build ups. In this shorter form events appear and disappear with frequency - and the sections set in Washington hold little interest outside anticipation for the next season.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
This extended TV episode (I can't call it a movie) follows everyone's favourite War criminal, Jack Bauer, as he attempts to save the lives of some nice kids from the presumably fictional African state of Sangara, as the revolution (or coup, depending on to whom you speak) in that country gathers pace.
Robert Carlyle provides ample support and much needed adult company for Keifer Sutherland, who has disappointingly put a stop to the 24 drinking game (drink every time he says "damn it" or tortures someone) with a new post-Abu Ghraib sensibility. It's a perfectly decent little story, but acts as little more than an interlude between series, and far more excitement is found in the 15 minutes worth of season 7 included on this disc as bonus material.
24 is always the better for its long build ups. In this shorter form events appear and disappear with frequency - and the sections set in Washington hold little interest outside anticipation for the next season.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
Quick Movie Review: The Black Cat
6/10
Supposedly a major event, this first and possibly only collaboration as equals between Karloff and Lugosi is in fact a stylish, yet vacuous tale. While Karloff's central performance is striking, there is little of the depth or interest that he garnered as the Monster. Lugosi is campy and ridiculous, and the supporting characters are the worst sort of "dahling" clichés. The saving grace is very much the set design and cinematography, which cloaks the paltry plot in a creepy and noirish atmosphere. As a curiosity it is worth seeing, but it is far from classic status.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
Supposedly a major event, this first and possibly only collaboration as equals between Karloff and Lugosi is in fact a stylish, yet vacuous tale. While Karloff's central performance is striking, there is little of the depth or interest that he garnered as the Monster. Lugosi is campy and ridiculous, and the supporting characters are the worst sort of "dahling" clichés. The saving grace is very much the set design and cinematography, which cloaks the paltry plot in a creepy and noirish atmosphere. As a curiosity it is worth seeing, but it is far from classic status.
A
See the full post by clicking here...
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