Movie Musings: What makes a good ending?

It stands to reason that no discussion on endings is complete without the following warning:

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

I am trying to avoid specifics about the end of any movie about which I talk but give a general idea of what it is about it that makes it good or bad.

I was watching Sideways the other day (coming of middle-age drama set in the wineries of the USA) and I was struck by its fantastic choice of ending method.

The film ends without definite resolution, but with a sense of hope that you really feel grateful for. The main character of Miles is so pathetic you just beg him to make the right choice - and the fact you aren't given the easy and cathartic image at the end really settles this film as a true classic of naturalistic cinema.

At the other end of this particular scale, for me, are the wilfully "clever endings" of such as The Sopranos etc where the uncertain ending really only suggests that the writers couldn't work out what to do.

For a while, we had a man who would wilfully come up with clever endings just since that was his "thing" - M. Night Shyamalan. There is no question in my mind that his first two films, Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, were really quite good. Problem being, he appears from then on to have taken a disastrous route through bizarre plots pretty much just for the sake of it. That Signs, in which an alien force invades a planet 90% of which they are violently and fatally allergic to, is the best of his later work, shows the sad state of affairs in truly hideous light.

See... an obsession with the "twist" ending can lead to the twist coming at the expense of the rest of the film - for gods sake... the man has WIND becoming a force of evil!

What a fricking loser.

So what is the usual way to finish a film? We should look at that first so we can see where the clever ones differ.

The assumption of most western films is that they are self contained - so there is not initially at least scope for sequels or long term planning past the end of the movie. SO... at the happy end of the movies for the most part;

• We have a resolution of the character arcs
• We get an appropriate feeling of emotion at the end
• We get an image of the characters at that resolution that we can keep and take away (classic examples; the medal ceremony in Star Wars, the wedding at the end of The Wedding Singer etc)
• There are no loose ends left worth caring about.

A non-happy ending will violate one of these rules... but it should be appropriate. A romantic comedy where one of the principals is suddenly killed off at the end just to make a point would be wilfully violating such rules as an attempt presumably to gain attention.

I recall, though I may have it slightly wrong, that the classic Pretty Woman originally had the ending in which Julia and Richard DON'T get together. Of course, it was panned in the previews and eventually changed. This happens all the time. I worked (as an extra) on a film earlier this year, for example, where the ending was being totally reshot due to poor previews. I think, as you may, that the two leads in Pretty Woman getting together is a little silly if it was meant to be a realistic movie, but surely the genre of the romantic comedy demands they at least adore each other.

Escapist cinema should and usually does have the obvious ending - it's not rocket science to assume twenty minutes into Walt Disney's Enchanted (which, btw, I really enjoyed) that the princess will end up with the nice guy instead of the boorish tosser in the tights or that everything will turn out alright in My Super Ex-Girlfriend (though Eddie Izzard's american accent still gives me nightmares).

Morally ambiguous cinema is a lot more difficult to type- Sideways for example has two main male characters who, lets face it, are jerks. One of them more than the other, but both of them are essentially irritating pretentious fools. What's the obvious ending here?

Classic endings here include French Connection's ambiguous gunshot, Michael Corleone going down the rabbit hole in The Godfather (or losing his most precious thing in Godfather 3), Martin Sheen's mental self destruction in Apocalypse Now etc etc etc.

Now imagine these alternatives to each of those endings:

• The Goodfella's ending to Godfather, where Michael turns over his friends to the police.
• Popeye Doyle catches and sends the Frenchman to justice.
• Martin Sheen picks up a minigun and wipes out all of Kurtz's followers, then wisecracks t the death of the Colonel - "you made quite a sacrifice, Kurtz!)
• Michael Corleone takes the bullet for his daughter.

What this intended to do is to inspire you to think about these endings and whether there is ANY ending that would improve these films.

To finish off my point about sideways, the whole point of the ending is to reinforce that these people are still not the finished article and that a "happy" ending will only be forthcoming after a lot more work - all of this summed up in what is NOT shown. Genius.

Another example - how about the Stephen King original ending to The Shining, in which Jack realises the error of his ways and sacrifices himself to blow up the hotel? Crap, right? The Kubrick film is SO MUCH BETTER because it fits... and we feel all the appropriate emotions as a response. The King ending feels like the Rambo ending of Apocalypse Now I just described. False and unsatisfying.

So what is my conclusion to this little ramble? What does make a good ending? Here's my take.

• The ending should serve the film, not the other way around.
• The ending should be appropriate to the intention of the film.
• The should NEVER violate the rules the film has already set up just to be controversial.

I'm sure you'll disagree with me on something, probably my selection of classic "morally ambiguous" endings, but go ahead... give me your responses on the comment form below. I'll look forward to them.

A

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I am returned!

Back from Holiday now, folks, and ready for more writings and general silliness.

The rest of the posts from Cornwall got saved as drafts, for some reason, so I'll be re-jigging them before posting them on the relevant days.

Movies I saw while away were only Stardust and God Morning Vietnam, both of which had more than the usual amount of suckitude (Stardust, unlike Princess Bride, does not stand up as well to second watching).

Yesterday I celebrated my return to the land of noone smiling at each other, pushing each other out of the way, and generally pretending everyone doesn't exist by watching Sideways, a fantastic movie that has led me to draft a post on the subject of good and bad movie endings, coming later tonight.

It'll be a long days work on the blog for me, but I hope it is satisfactory.

A
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In which Algo follows the signposts to the Lost Garden

Pretty much a photo post for Heligan.

The Lost Gardens Of Heligan may well just be one of my favourite places in the whole world.

They were pretty much overgrown when it was discovered back in the early 90s and the folks at the trust have done a great job of putting the place back together.

I'll write in more detail about it when I've finished the book, but for now have some photographs that will hopefully explain for me. We got a really good day for it too.

Me and Mrs Algo went a little away from the main tourist routs up to the top of the nearby Tregillick Hill and look back over the gardens from distance.

I really recommend it as a magical place to visit (though the wasps in the cafe are clearly third generation cream tea stealers). Like the Eden Project, the sheer amount of life really hits you full in the face, though here it is more like being surrounded by the older generation (many of the plants are "overmature" and not long for this world now) so excellent but different. Yay!
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In which Algo has a birthday, and gets two presents

Well... maybe more, but the main cool bits were my trip into Pentewan by bike, I haven't ridden a bike for a while and it was cool to get back in the saddle (literally) and I had great fun splashing through puddles and generally larking about, though this particular bike had toe loops on it, which I have never had on any bike I have ever owned so a couple of close calls as my usual technique of getting off a bike was rendered dangerous, if not impossible, by the fact my toes were essentially strapped to the pedals.

A word on cornish names - "PEN" (post return edit: this means "head" as in "Penbeachy" or "Pengiving") and "TRE" can basically be put in front of any two syllable and you'd get a Cornish place name, so watch out for Penalgo soon.

Anyway, I had a much better day today since I can see!!! I can also breathe which is not to be sniffed at either. We spent the morning rearranging the tent into its new home and setting up our new sleeping space just outside the caravan, which means our nightly trudge up the hill is now no more (thank goodness for that!) It feels like we did much more than three or four times, but that's all it was.

Pentewan beach is half taken up with a private caravan park's beach but a quick trip around the first head and we found a pile of ex-cliffside rocks and a lot of little rock pools with attendant sea anememones and some fish etc.

Have a holiday snap!
Anyhoo.. evening time we went to Truro and had an excellent meal at a restaurant not far from the Cathedral - Mussels and Duck. Wow it's great being near the sea. The only mussels I get in London are either out of a jar or £25 a helping.

Sweet.

Thanks to all for your messages of Birthday greetings. Had a great one thanks.

A
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In which Algo has a cold, and meets a man with seven wives

While I was going to St Ives,
I was feeling just half alive,
Alive because I could sort of see,
Dead because the flu had me.


Bloody great timing this, in one of the most beautiful parts of the country and I can barely see because my eyes are full of snot. And my nose, and my brain. Today we went to St Ives. For me it consisted of a trip to the Chemists for some Beechams All in One liquid (I do not apologise for the plug - it really is a magic potion).

We realised halfway around the eden project that we didn';t have a camera, and today I was too zonged to even bring my phone.

Ah well... we did have a barbecue this evening but I was shivering through it. Bloody cold. Good news though! We are moving pitches on saturday so maybe we can stay in the warm after that.

It's not the tents fault I got a cold. I blame the cornish folks - I reckon they poisoned me.

Off for more All In One now and bed. Hopefully this is the worst day of it.

A
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In which algo visits paradise, and finds something to moan about.

Firstly let me apologise for the last post being all subject and no body. I will correct it on my return.

Secondly, let me update you all as to where i am right now. Our original plan was to set up the algolian expedition in the awning of the in law's caravan. It appears that someone up there reads my blog amd is angry, since a torrent of rain turned the awning area into swamp, you can barely walk on it let alone set up camp. Initially we were booked into a local self catering apartment as a gesture of apology from the in laws. This was a n unnecessarily charitable move on their part amd since guilt was ahead of reason we declined this offer and have instead spent the princely sum of £14.98 on a full tent and a pitch up on the hill (where all the swamp creating water came from) is ours! The tent came from asda of all places but is bizarrely not awful.. It is warm and dry.

anyhoo... Today we visited the eden project. I am utterly blown away by the rainforest biome. Thing is by doing that first we rendered the second biome a total letdown. Shame.

The thing i want to moan about is that for some reason around this second biome (mediterranean themed) they had some moronic artist show on... In full fecking view and ruining the natural feel and look of the place. Loking at the description of these installation is always good for a chuckle, and apparently these featurless blobs are 'an expression of mankinds guilt and anguish' over our desruction of animal species and plant ecosystems. Great! I really need some puffed up scribbler to express my concern for me. I bet that was his maserati i saw in the car park too. Wonder if it runs on biofuel?

Apart from that little blot on the landscape the place is an absolutely wonderful concept and hits you full in the face with a whole load of pure LIFE And you don't need an artist to help you feel deeply moved at the sight.

A
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Jealousy.

Thought i'd post standing, as i am, knee deep in the sea with the dogs running round my feet and nothing to do tomorrow except see the eden project. Feel jealous!
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Training

On the train to cornwall, which is a four hour trip and there are hundreds of kids here, with about one adult to five children. Thing is that since they're all different families they've split themselves around the carriage so they are incapable of controlling their noisy kids. Hey, parenting ain't easy, but if me and mrs algo are capable of prebooking seats surely other adults can, especially if it means parents are separated from their kids and can't control them!
Ah well never mind. How is everyone else?
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American Gods

So the BBC reported today on the Presidential candidate's appearance at a very cotton wool religious "question and answer" session.

Apparently the millionaire pastor asked a bunch of none too scary questions and basically gave them the forum they need to state their Christian credentials. Of course, John McCain is the favoured candidate of this particular audience, he's the republican after all, and this was a largely white republican audience.

In the article the writer describes how "According to one estimate 1 in 4 Americans describe themselves as born again Christians". Crikey! No wonder the religious angle is so important. That's not even including the "born and stayed Christians" or the "pretending to be Christians".

Why is this a bad thing? Well, it takes time away from real issues - from my point of view that is.

The election of the next US president will have consequences far beyond whether white Christians feel they're represented or not, and from my Euro/Anglocentric POV this whole shebang is a colossal waste of time and may actually be dangerously affecting the already fragile religion/politics balance.

IMHO, Religion and politics should never be allowed to mix anyway, since I don't want anyone with supreme authority over our armed forces who thinks the Earth is only 6000 years old, or that Israel has sole rights to the entire West Bank and Gaza strip simply because that's what their faith says.

Conversely, I also don't want someone in charge of the biggest army in the world who is prepared to pretend he does in order to win votes, either.

Terry Pratchett, in Small Gods, desribes the rise of church doctrine over pure faith very, very well.

In Small Gods, the great god OM is reduced to the form of a tortoise because no-one believed in him any more. The catch being that there's a country called Omnia, run by Om's priests and an inquisition whose sole tasks are to reinforce belief in OM. SO what went wrong? Simple really - people stop believing in the God and start believing in the Church. There is a wonderfully pithy explanation of this in an exchange between OM and his last remaining believer that goes something like this.

OM: You believe I am your god, correct?
Brutha: Yes.
OM: And you will do whatever I say, correct?
Brutha: Yes.
OM: Then go next door and kill (head of the inquisition) Vorbis.
Brutha: Er...
OM: Why aren't you doing it? I'm your God!
Brutha: Yes, but... he's VORBIS!

You follow the analogy, I hope. The religious experience now is one of conforming to church ritual and common belief, instead of focussing on worship of God. I used to work with several people who said they believed in the Bible, despite NEVER HAVING READ IT. They had never heard, for example, the story of the man who hands over his wife and daughter to be raped, so that a mob wouldn't rape a man, because that would be sodomy and much worse (!) Their response was along the lines of "that sounds very old testament, I don't follow the old testament". Actually folks, it's in BOTH! Look it up! These folks also didn;t know that Seven of each animal went onto the ark with Noah, not two (though that's understandable, given all the teachers saying the opposite). Actually, some did go Two by Two, but only the "unclean" ones.

And there's another issue. At some point, believing in the Christian God and Messiah became secondary to believing in the book about them. And the thing about book is, if you refute any one of its claims, then, for me at least the book as a whole is very very questionable. And who really believes in

Also, it is my opinion that you can't pick and choose bits of the bible and call yourself a Christian. Either the book is right or it isn't - you don't get do-overs! It's like people claiming to be Catholic but also being Pro Birth Control. You just can't do it.

Sorry to harp on at this subject but it's crucial to the future of our society that we see these methods of self deception for what they are!

That is chiefly, vehicles for validating our own opinions. There's nothing like other people agreeing with you to make you feel special and loved.

So you're a sexist? The bible can back that up.
You're homophobic? Yup!
You're a racist? Yeah it's all here.

You're none of the above? Well, you just ignore the bits you don't like...

I guess the only thing missing as far as the American right are concerned, is a commandment about being allowed to carry guns. Sigh...

I forsee a bleak future for the religion/politics divide in America at least, GWB has almost destroyed it, and if the 12% of undecided voters in America are swung by the religion card then we may have a new holy war on our hands. The Christians against the Muslims again. And it went so well last time, didn't it?

Here's hoping I am totally wrong.

A

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Holiday Time

Firstly, who'd have thought I would have so many readers who hadn't seen the Dark Knight yet? I hope you haven't had it spoilt by my posts!

Do go see it!

Secondly, myself and Mrs Algo are off to Cornwall on our hols from today, while my posts should continue (courtesy of my spangly phone) I won't be as forthcoming with replies to your comments or posts on your blogs as I would normally. I apologise and normal service will resume next week.

This holiday will be my first to take place in a caravan. I am spending it with my in-laws as well as Mrs Algo, and while many of you may shudder at the thought, you clearly don;t have in-laws as cool as mine (or Mrs Algo's for that matter). It's actually not the first time we've been on holiday with them, since we went to Virginia 6 years ago with them too.

Family's not always embarrassing, despite what Ford Prefect said.

Thirdly, where are all the movie pitches, guys? I need some great ideas to be enthusiastic about, I know I cheated by picking LXG to be remade, but you must have some ideas of your own!

A
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The BBFC's Dark Knight Summary, FYI

DANGER DANGER! HERE BE SPOILERS!

Just looked this up, and they seem to agree with my assessment (hehe - as if it was that way round!) see what you think.

THE DARK KNIGHT tells the story of Batman’s continuing war on crime and in particular his personal battle with the psychotic Joker. It was passed ‘12A’ for moderate violence and sustained threat

The BBFC Guidelines at ‘12A’ state that ‘violence must not dwell on detail’ and that ‘there should be no emphasis on injuries or blood’ and whilst THE DARK KNIGHT does contain a good deal of violence, all of it fits within that definition. For example, in one of the stronger scenes, Batman repeatedly beats the Joker during an interrogation. The blows however are all masked from the camera and despite both their weight and force; the Joker shows no sign of injury. There are also scenes in which the Joker threatens first a man and then a woman with a knife and whilst these do have a significant degree of menace, without any actual violence shown they were also acceptably placed at ‘12A’. In the final analysis, THE DARK KNIGHT is a superhero movie and the violence it contains exists within that context, with both Batman and the Joker apparently indestructible no matter what is thrown at them.

THE DARK KNIGHT also contains some special make up effects that whilst clearly not real, have the potential to be moderately frightening.
(Quoted From the Original BBFC Website listing)

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Movie Musings: The 12A Rating for Dark Knight

Kermode on the radio on Friday brought up the subject again, and my good buddy Chris said he's been to see the film a couple of times and kids keep running out and being scared.

BUH!

It's a twelve. When we went to see it there were loads of kids clearly under that age, and these are the kids whose parents write letters of complaints to the Daily Mail saying how unacceptable the rating was since the film wasn't appropriate for their 8-11 year old child.

These people should be sterilised.

Not because they are horrible people but because they clearly are incapable of following simple instructions, meaning we may well all be killed due to them just not paying attention to the written directions on the side of a packet of Nuclear Weapons. Or something.

For your information, here is the definition of the 12A Rating from the BBFC:

12A – Suitable for 12 years and over. No-one younger than 12 may see a ‘12A’ film in a cinema unless accompanied by an adult. No-one younger than 12 may rent or buy a ‘12’ rated video or DVD. Responsibility for allowing under-12s to view lies with the accompanying or supervising adult.

This clearly CLEARLY states that the responsibility lies with the parents. Any child with a parent who thinks Dark Knight will be appropriate for them should be subject enforced adoption. It'd be better for them in a way, since they clearly are in danger of serious death.

Parents these days are confused I think, about what constitutes their responsibility

In my understanding, when you are a parent, your child is 100% your responsibility. But in my old job as a computer game salesman, I was confronted again by parent s who insisted the ratings system was there to cause them grief, since they had to come and buy the games rather than send their little brat to buy them. These parents would then complain that the games were inappropriate!

Main example? It's obvious. Grand Theft Auto. Mainly the San Andreas version, which being based around gangs and Rap culture this particular game was even more sexist and money obsessed than usual. I wouldn't even dream of letting a child of mine play it.

The number of parents of eleven or twelve year olds who were apoplectic over the games content all got the same response - "it's got an eighteen rating, the child should not have been given it". The parents response was almost universally something like this:

"But all the advertising that goes on - of course the kids are going to want it! What am I supposed to tell them?"

My answer?

"Tell them 'NO'" ("you tosser")

Why is it so hard to say no? What' the kid going to do, he's half your height? But in my experience so many kids are essentially Tyrants because these parents just are too lazy to enforce their will, it's just easier to give in and get the kid whatever he or she wants - even if it means the parent is failing in their responsibility.

See, it's not really reasonable to have a go at parents for beingexhausted and wanting the easy way out. By all accounts, being a parent is not easy. What I object to is that they won't admit it's their responsibility they're shirking. As in the cases of the Dark Knight and GTA: San Andreas, they consider it the fault of the BBFC, or the games company, when all it takes is for them to do what they must have wanted to do in the first place - be a parent.

The 12A rating for the Dark Knight is controversial, but I'm really interested in whether it upset kids of 12 and up, not whether those that the rating says are too young were upset (because their parents couldn't leave them at home) - of course they were! A 15 rating is a big thing to give a film, especially a blockbuster (I hear Hellboy 2 is a 12A also) since the film is cost a lot of audience when this happens.

I think they did just about enough, with hindsight, to avoid a 15 rating - the effect for Two Face is really just The Mummy version 6.0 and all the really bloody stuff is edited out (I'm thinking the DVD will be a 15 and have all this back in) - the only bone of contention for me is the home video of the Joker and the Batman impersonator. But it's a 12 in the same sense that Citizen Kane is a U - just because it's not violating the "content" rating doesn't mean kids will enjoy the "subject" and "plot". It's tough to get a twelve year old head around the nuances of the vigilante's dilemma and there's not really enough boom and fun to make it worth their whiles.

But it is GENUINELY a 12. And if you take someone under the age to see it and they can't sleep for a month, it's YOUR fault, not Batmans.

A


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My five seconds of fame

It was always going to happen.

I got obliquely referenced in "The Dice Tower" podcast, not for any interesting point I made on their forum, not for my achievements in board gaming, but for having a go at one of the hosts for being a flag waving yankee freak.

The host in question referred to the following as a "blasting". See what you think...

This is his little quote, regarding his irritation at his side, the Americans, being destroyed by his opponent playing as the French. The game in question is set in Napoleonic times, hence the different skills of the armies. Anyway, he brought up the perennial American asshole subject...

Furthermore, the French and British armies are rather balanced, and I remember the Americans whooping the British in the Revolutionary War.

OK, not a big deal, I know, but it caught me at a bad time.
My initial response:

Heh... I'm sure the American victory in the Revolutionary War was solely due to superior army skill and not the forty zillion other factors involved, not least the size of the forces involved.

In Europe the British and French armies were at a very similar level for hundreds of years before and then for years after the War you mention - hence why there was never a permanent victory for either side. In this sense I don't see a problem with the balance here.

So... to replicate the "whooping" you describe, the American army would just need to be increased in size. And get the French to help again.

Balance your flag waving with some humility, please.

A

Edit: Sorry for the overreactions.

So I sort of decide to say things, but went back to cross them out, to show they're a little bit of overreactions.

For the record, I didn't mean what I said as flag-waving. I was simply making a statement that was meant to support my thought that the armies shouldn't have been so far removed from each other in overall strength.

He apologised, and I decided to clarify a little further (as is my right) so he didn't think I was just being a jerk.

Thanks for clarifying your intent. I should clarify mine, since I am consistently coming over as short fused...

As for my use of the phrase "flag waving", I don't know how else to describe someone using the phrase "Whooping".

Especially given the factors involved were far more nuanced than that simplistic and factually questionable statement asserts.

Im sure you understand that and it was just an off the cuff statement, my reason to bring the whole thing up was that I would suggest that in fact the differential between the British and American armies in Manouevre, as you describe it, seems pretty accurate in the sense of a pitched battle between equally sized forces of that period in a hypothetical, neutral surrounding.

Thing is, no battles are ever that simple. I watched a game of Manouevre and I'm pretty sure it wasn't detailed as to supply lines and "campaign level" issues, so it is a purely skill based differential.

I think, like the British Empire did, the US is now finding out how hard it is to keep "allies" in foreign countries on your side with stretched supply lines and an apathetic parliament and populace.

To understand that I am not just being thin-skinned, how would an American feel if someone started talking about the Viet-Cong "whooping" the US army in Vietnam, or more relevantly, the North "whooping" the South in your Civil War?

Such talk would be inappropriate in any context. These things are never so simple as to sum up as a "whooping".

That's what I meant by humility. Whereas these things are in the past, we shouldn't fall into the trap of simplifying whole campaigns to serve our patriotic natures.

"Whooping" for me means Spurs beating Arsenal 5-1 in the cup, not the outcome of a horrific war of attrition, or the revolutionary war.

As I say, I'm not really trying to pick bones out of your off the cuff remark, but it caught me off guard, and I thought I'd explain my response further so you know I have actually got an opinion and aren't just trolling (since we keep disagreeing on things).

Was I an asshole here? I feel a bit embarrassed about the whole thing now. The internet is absolutely not the place to be tongue in cheek and the original intent of all my posts never come over.

A
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eBay finally works...

After three tries I have finally sold the waste of money and effort that was the PSP.

I listed it initially, and it was bought by someone with an english address, who sent me an alternative address in Nigeria to send the item to, "care of" a bus stop.

>hmm<

and I receive an email in capitals saying "I HAVE SENT THE MONEY PLEASE SEND THE ITEM", when I hadn't received any money.

Ah, fraudsters, you've got to love their effort.

So, after a week I got my listing money back from eBay and listed it again, only for it to be bought by another person having stolen someone's account and giving me an address for their boyfriend in... guess what... NIGERIA. Damn IT!

What imagination! What genius. What bastards.

Anyway, I finally sold it to a nice guy from Cambridge. Waiting for the money back from the second listing, but I made good money this way. Phew! The easiness of the internet.

Zzzzzzzzzz....
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Uh Oh! - Tales from Shed Studios Part 1

I'd love all regular blog readers and any newbies to go check out my cynical attempt to write a hit pop song over at myspace:

www.myspace.com/mynameisalgo

It's all about fear of commitment, though that;'s really just an excuse. I'm dedicating it to my brother, Jovis who is moving in with his missus (ooer..) and will shortly be getting questions from mates like "when are you two getting engaged" "whens the big day" "is she pregnant or are you infertile", y'know - the usual.

Sorry bro.

The record was produced by David Bland of Boy Who, and On A Hill Studios working at Shed Studios in Chelmsford (which is based at a secret location never to be divulged). It is the only time it'll be recorded in this arrangement - it'll be produced differently at a later date in a style more conducive to me actually liking it.

Anyway, hope you like it. The recording sequence was interesting and I'd thought I'd share it with some of you who may not have seen many documentaires or simply never wondered how these things are done.

First I did a guide track - this is the most boring part of the process and basically means playing the main chords (pretty simple ones too) over and over again. If I recall we did this until we had four good takes to make an enormous guitar sound. This basically is done so the tiny differences between the takes fills out the gaps and makes the whole thing a bit bigger.

(In the form of two takes for each left and right speaker - one high in treble, and one more middly)

Then overdubs were done of the quieter guitar licks you can hear in the background, while it sounds like a long part over the whole chord progression it was actually recorded in three separate tracks to give a bit more control and to harmonise as well.

After that went through I went home and we got in Jim out of Boy Who (one of the bands I'm in) to play the drums. He did so. Very loudly. For hours. It's a really great performance from him though, I'm sure you'll agree.

And then I came back into the Studio on Saturday last to polish off the work, I laid down the bass line (sans drums, bizarrely, due to processor overload) and then moved onto the vocals.

I have a little gift for harmonies and double tracking, so we double tracked the main melody and then overdubbed all the harmony parts in one take each. In fact, the double tracking on the main melody is not used, we went with reverb instead (and what reverb it is).

The guitar solo after the first chorus was invented on the spot and played by me. Yes. Me. I was as surprised as anyone else.

The final addition was a little extra guitar part over the final chorus (you may not notice it first time, but its there) just to add an extra dimension to the "big finish"

Once all tracks were done it was mixed in situ and then mastered, again by David.
What a trooper he is.

I may go back and redo the very last chorus since my voice gets a little "jazzy" but I may not bother.

I hope you enjoy the song anyway.

Comments below as usual.

A
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All good things must come to an end. So does the tale of the cheque.

Finally the saga of the council cheque is at an end and I can concentrate on just paying bills rather than fighting people to give back my own money.

I am still sending a complaint to the councils "head office" (?) since there are a couple of unanswered questions (many of them rhetorical - funny comments only please, to cheer me up!)

• This whole delay stemmed from the fact that an operator at Southwark coucil believes the letter B is the Letter E (the problem was my address on the cheque). Even after a bit of UN phonetics (seemingly "Bravo" is spelt "Eravo"). Will he be ridiculed and made to feel small?
• Why does it take three weeks to reissue a cheque when the first cheque took one week and it had get approval from the beginning of the process.
• I have my suspicions. Is the delay caused by the fact I made an operator upset by phoning back every time the cheque didn't arrive and bollocking him? Every time I phoned up for three weeks, I was told it had been sent the day before. Are London councils that petty?
• Why should I have to take the costs of overdraft interest and the bounced cheque? Will they reimburse my £30 charges?
• Why did it take me acting like a jerk to get them to do anything at all?

Hopefully, this cheque will clear and we can leave this subject behind for good. Otherwise, I reserve the right to moan on the blog in the near future. Thanks for listening.
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New Subscribe Link Up and I beg you to comment more!

I am happy to add anyone too the W-S mailing list if they wish, but be advised that the nice folks at Blogger have now given me my very own little Subscribe buttons. If you need instructions, see the ful post using the link below.

I use Firefox 3.0 myself (and so should everyone in my opinion) and to subscribe either to the posts (just my wisdom) or all comments (the wit) feeds you can just click on them and pick your RSS reader.

If you don't use RSS or don't know what it is, its just a very simple method of monitoring websites for new entries. Many third party toolbars are able to use it. Mozilla Firefox 3.0 has a whole toolbar to do this. Maybe Internet Explorer and Safari do as well. When you want to use their own bars, in my experience you are fine to click the button and select the bottom option "Atom" from the list. This will allow you to add the regularly updated feed to either your bookmarks menu (giving you a pop out list of posts on that menu) or to a bookmarks toolbar beneath your address bar. A simple click of that will show you if there's anything new to read.

I'd love to get more comments guys - I have refrained from trying to make money from ads on this blog (since I'm not a total jerk) so reward me by sharing your opinions on my posts! At the moment the best replyer is fellow extra Gary. Good Work Big Guy!

A
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Pitch Me A Movie

OK, another movie questionnaire idea that Gabstar can nick off me.

Here's the game: You can choose two films to pitch -

1. Any book or tv series adaptation that has NEVER been seen before
2. A REMAKE of a film they botched (in your opinion of course) the first time.

This is what I want from your pitch

• Original Title
• Your Title for the Movie (if required)
• The Tagline
  
• The dream cast for said opus (conceivable ones only, please)
  
• Dream Director
  
• The Plot
• Why you chose it.

My responses follow in the comments section:
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Movie Review: Dhoom 2

Yes - I did it. I watched another Bollywood movie hours after posting on the last one.

This is a very different film to Say This Is Love, and is a crackpot comedy action movie (more Rush Hour than Top Secret!) in which all sorts of attractive people fire guns for no good reason, shit gets blown up, people sing and dance and one character refers to herself in the third person for the ENTIRE FILM!

Algo would never do that!

It stars Abishek Bachan and his wife, Aishwarya Rai (of Bride and Predjudice fame), Hrithik Roshan (only playing one character this time, but with lots of aliases) and a sort of silly comic relief character played by Uday Chopra.

The cast are without doubt absurdly good looking again - the film differs greatly in grown up content (to say "adult" would be perjorative) as many of the women and men flirt, wear not much clothing and stand in the rain playing basketball in a much more adult fashion than in any of my previous Bollywood experiences.

The plot's a lot simpler than Say This Is Love, too.

Abishek and the comic relief are cops. They are first seen blowing a bunch of drug dealers away in the most ridiculous opening sequence I've seen for some time.
They then join forces with an old schoolfriend of Abishek's, who is amazingly good looking and try and hunt down master of disguise and amazingly good looking international thief Hrithik Roshan. Also looking for the thief is the amazingly good looking Aishwarya Rai, who is the culprit of the third person speak (example "sunehri is not impressed").

As an aside to my point about the more grown up nature of the film, there is an unmarried kiss in it, that according to IMDB started a court case over "obscenity". There you go.

Much fun and hijinks ensue, including a cool diamond heist (by one man rather than 11) and castle getaway as well as the bizarre slow motion basketball scene.

The film relocates after a while to Brazil and the chase continues to build up tension between the stars and plot holes for the viewers, especially towards the end - where from betrayal, we move straight to chase scene, despite the fact that according to the movie's internal logic, Abishek should have no idea even where to start looking for the thieves, let alone suddenly turn up in a helicopter chasing them!

This type of movie shouldn't really be held to quite the western standards we are used to and is superb escapist entertainment. The songs are cool, despite some dodgy dancing from Abishek and his sidekick and by the end I was smiling broadly (though mainly at the hilariously predictable outcome).

I really think more of us western folk should see these types of films once in a while - they really highlight just what Western films have that we take for granted (and I guess, vice versa). There's something wonderfully innocent about the gun fetishism in this film, unlike say "Wanted", it being reminiscent of a bunch of schoolkids playing war. We really are too cynical in the West IMHO, and maybe this is just where we need to escape to?

For three hours at least.

Peace Out!

A
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Movie Review: In The Valley Of Elah

Summary: There be spoilers in this review.

Let me start with an admission. I'm outrage fatigued. The war in Iraq is a bloody awful shambles and it's a bad bad thing. But HOW MANY times do I need to be shown that war is bad by some sanctimonious film?

Look, this film has good points, chiefly how great every single acting performance in it is and Roger Deakins always genius cinematography - but it has one huge annoying factor, and that's the fact that it is manipulative to the point of ridicule.

Let me give you an example of the heavy handed symbolism. TLJ (good as ever) is driving off to his sons air force base to investigate the boys disappearance. ON his way out of town he spots something - OH MY! It's the American flag! And it's been flown upside down! Turns out the guy responsible is from El Salvador and knows nothing about how to fly a flag (the immigrants angle covered then) and after reverently reflying the flag and admonishing the guy, TLJ says quite disingenuously that a flag flown upside down is the international cry for help. A sort of "we're in deep existential crap" sort of thing. Crikey - that going to come up again at some point in this movie, Tommy? Or did you improv that little gem?

I really don't want to wail on this movie too much, since its heart is in the right place. It is trying very (too) hard to be even handed, but painting your leading man in such broad strokes as a sort of flag waving god fearing pro war ex army christian, is just obviously baiting the audience to applaud how "realistic" a view of the human effects of the war on terror this is. oooh... look! This guy is saying even us good god fearing pro war guys are ok guys - he even got TLJ to play the stereotype! WOO! How very "unhollywood" of him. Well, screw that for a lark. They even have him up against "less pro war" detectives and other army types to contrast the miniscule differences between their take on things.

Again, the film is supposedly trying to take a view on the current situation, but mental damage to soldiers has been going on since the concept of war began ("wibble!"). Best film example? Apocalypse Now, of course!

Look, it just put me off with its incessant balancing of one side against the other - there's clearly a story to be told here, but this isn't the plot that the acting deserves and the whole "iraq angle" just gets in the way. There's no reason for it to be set when it is (bizarrely three years before it was made) - it could be set in the first gulf war, or the vietnam war, maybe even the second world war - the Iraq conflict is used here, in my definite opinion, to market the film as a commentary on our current situation. And it's just NOT!

The outcome of the story is also a letdown, the mystery being resolved very quickly and with the pathetically predictable rebringing up of the "nation in crisis" upside down flag job again.

And it's a gift from his dead son this time!

OOh.. really emotional.

All it takes to turn a pro war guy into a less pro war guy is for that war to indirectly kill his sons.

Wow - controversial. Bet that had the studio heads worried.

I think this is a very safe movie masquerading as a controversial one, a sort of "world trade centre" with the main character from Afghanistan and having a line about how this isn't what all the Afghans want - "Not all of us are out to destroy America" perhaps, as he saves the life of the hero while sacrificing his own.

For another example - in the section about David and Goliath that gives the film its name, they even bring out that the David and Goliath story is "even in the Koran" - a revelation that may have some of the more slack jawed surprised, but just seems another symptom of this films malaise. Actually, this is a really weird metaphor - who's David and who's goliath in the America vs Terror debate? The film's ending seems to place the individual soldier as David, against the Goliath of international terrorism. A poor choice of metaphors for me, since

In conclusion, In The Valley Of Elah is hamstrung by its sense of importance and desire to be even handed about the war on terror.

And it's not even about the war on terror.

A

P.S. I make no apology for this review focussing on only one or two aspects of the film, since the aspects in question (the framing and message) are clearly crucial to the vision behind it. Complaints added via the comments form. Thanks.
P.P.S. I do apologise for the spoilers.
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My Bollywood Experience...

is very limited, but I wanted to share with you my thoughts on this culturally untranslatable (in my opinion, genre of films (of course, in India, they are just "films")

My experience is limited to about three films, two of which I had on while I was playing World Of Warcraft (multitasking since certain sections of WoW are about as interactive as being a passenger on a train) and one I only saw half of.

I want to share with you the plot of the one I paid the most attention to since from my experiences and chats with people during my time in India lead me to believe this is a fairly typical type of plot and story.

OK... forst thing to say is that the film is three hours long, it is called Kaho Naa... Pyaar Hai, roughly translated as "Say This Is Love". Film stars are treated with incredible reverence and almost worshipped around India, and all of the biggies have about as much coverage and marketing clout as David Beckham does over here.

OK.... try and keep up.

• We are introduced to Rohit, the impossibly handsome and rugged star (played by modern legend Hrithik Roshan in his first major role)
• He's really poor, and lives with his family (including very cute younger brother) in a very run down sort of accomadation.
  
• 
• He meets and immediately falls in very clean and tidy love with our heroine when selling her a car, or something.
• She watches him perform a song while she is partying.
• But they're from different worlds! (big shock)
• She arranges for him to work on a cruise liner she is going on (being all rich and shit) and he gets into all sorts of comic scrapes.
• She gets jealous of him talking to other women (just talking mind, no hanky panky!)
• They have a sort of drunken argument and fall asleep (FULLY clothed of course) in one of the ship's lifeboats.
• Bizarrely, the lifeboat becomes detached in the night and they awake washed up on a desert island.
• Here he confesses his love for her, and she starts to get interested, but then her dad turns up
• Being all rich and shit, he has a big team searching for them - he's none too chuffed to see she's alone on a desert island with a man.
• He's not happy at all, and gets Rohit fired (boo!)
• Rohit goes to confront him, but states he will earn the money to be deserving of the rich guys daughter himself then come back to claim her. (cos money is what love's all about folks!)
  
• He gets a record deal since he is dubbed with a great voice and looks like a superhero and becomes hugely popular.
• He sets up a massive Pepsi sponsored (it's that blatant) concert in his home town, all his friends will be there, but he has forgotten to pick up cute younger brother from school.
• So he sets off to pick him up on a motor bike.
• While looking for his brother he overhears a dodgy corrupt deal and murder combo going down between the local gangsters (including rich girls dad!) and is spotted! (OH NO!)
• They chase him down and there' s a fairly light hearted chase with some wide eyed "oh no" acting from the lead.
• This light tone is only marred by the fact that the outcome of this chase is that Rohit is knocked off a bridge and drowns.
• Yep. Drowns. HE DIES!
• Not only that, but broken glass blinds his brother. Jeez... what a downer!
  

I should point out that at this point we have had about three plots, but only half the film!
How do they go on from here? How do they get to the requisite happy ending?

Well.... bear with me...

• Rich girl is clearly upset by this... since she has barely even kissed the guy since there is almost no even quasi-sexual content in the film.
• To cheer her up, her fathers response is to send her to see her cousin in New Zealand.
• Yup... his response to his daughter's depression is to TELL HER TO FUCK OFF!
• So she goes over, and spends most of her time in the house, until her cousin finally persuades her to come out partying.
• When she does she is shocked to meet a man who looks strangely familiar:
• His name is Raj Chopra, and he is immediately enthralled by her, presumably because she looks at him in the manner of someone seeing an identical copy of their dead boyfriend would (WTF?)
• Hrithik again here, but he does a pretty good job of differentiating the two characters.
• After a bit of back and forth, she simply can't accept him as a love interest since he reminds her of her dead boyfriend (wonder why...)
• Soon after this, being so confused, we are assured repeatedly that Rohit and Raj are categorically NOT related. Something that just adds to the manic genius of this plot.
• Their looks are pretty much described as "one of those things"
• He follows her back to India when she goes, however, and is spotted by the gangster hitmen who killed Rohit... their fairly logical response is to assume they botched the job and they go after Raj instead.
• Rich girl and Raj join forces and try and find out what the hell is going on (some help was required by me at this point, by the way).
• Their Hamlet style way of exposing those involved is to get Raj (who by yet another staggering coincidence able to sing exactly like Rohit) to pose as Rohit to do his concert and act as bait to draw the gangsters into the open. (Cue Song)
  
• He also is unable to get Rohits little brother to accept him as someone different and just gets round this by adopting the little guy as his brother. Simple.
  
• Their works and all of the bad guys are overcome at the concert, after an abortive attempt to kidnap rich girl.
• The happy ending? Raj and Rich Girl get engaged. That's it. Screw Rohit! He's dead! Get over it. Go out with the photocopied Rohit. That's not weird.

So there you have it, the songs are cool and the dancing is great, but the whole thing looks like it was filmed in the early 90s on 80s film stock (it was actually filmed in 2000!) what with the fashions and bollywood budgets being what they are, but all in all a really good fun three hours of film.

Would I watch it again? Hmm.. not on my own, mainly to see the responses of people as they try and follow what on earth is going on and discuss the "happy ending" with at the end.

Have I watched more since? Well, Hrithik's "Dhoom 2" has been on my PVR for months. Maybe it's time to dust it off now.

A
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Spurs 5 - 0 AS ROMA

Thats more like it - I post this specially for Gary since he laughed at our youth squad who lost to Crawley Town. Howdya like THEM APPLES?

We've also beaten Celtic, Zenit and loads of others in our preseason so I am feeling more hopeful than this time last year Spurs will get a Top 6 finish.

Bizrrely, Darren Bent has scored 11 goals in 6 matches, leading me to believe Max Zorin has been in the crowd pressing his little radio button in his cane. Top Pony/Pop Culture ref there guys!
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Technical Issues

No longer an issue... Well, I give up... I've spent two hours of my life trying to work out how to put shorter versions of these posts on the main page an links to the full versions and I just suck at it.

See, html is all well and good, and the instructions are easy to read. Thing is, my template looks NOTHING like they say it should when viewed in HTML so the change in CSS doesn't work properly... BOO HOO!

SO bear in mind I did at least try to reduce your eye ache on the main page and help you only select to read those posts you really want to.

If some kind soul wants to help me please feel free. I would be eternally grateful.
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Oh dear.... one divisive Empire Poll Later...

My greatest movies of all time are...
1	2001: A Space Odyssey
2	Amadeus
3	C'era una volta il West
4	The Usual Suspects
5	The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
6	The Godfather: Part II
7	Alien
8	Monty Python and the Holy Grail
9	Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
10	The Dark Knight

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Top Tens are horrible things

Lets face it.. no one is going to agree with my top ten.
To clarify the thinking behind it is almost impossible since all it represents is the Top Ten given my mood at the time and would almost certainly be different this time tomorrow.

The lists rules denied the use of trilogies to fudge the system so Boo to that.

I thought, since this is my blog, I had a right to defend my choices and explain a couple of things.

• The Dark Knight? Really? Well... I'll talk about this first since it's probably the first thing you are shocked by. Until recently I would have included Batman Begins, but this is without any doubt my favourite Batman film. In time it may drop down, but at the moment, it's a solid number ten.
• What? No Star Wars? Well frankly no. The particular poll for Empire Magazine was "the greatest films" not the "best family entertainment" and I just don't think Star Wars is as good as any of the other films on my list. Even the Dark Knight. Sure the original series is fun and zeitgeisty, but not top ten material for me.
• Godfather Part II? Not the original? I'm on a bit more solid ground here - I think many people would be on my side with this particular film, it's got a great epic sense to it, and Bobby D is preferred by me to Marlon Brando.
• No Apocalypse Now? No. It pains me to say it, and yes it may well be a technically better film than Dark Knight. But I don't like it as much at this moment in time. It's my list and noone said it had to make sense. Plus Apocalypse now always feels twenty minutes too long for me. We could lose the whole USO bit and I wouldn't miss it. Call this number 11.
• Where are the cinema classics? Hmm... this is tougher to excuse, but I don't equate "age" with "greatness" and while films like The Third Man, M and Metropolis are fantastic, they lose out to modern greats like LOTR or Once Upon A Time In The West.
• Why the Italian Name? To be pretentious. Nothing more.
• Eternal Sunshine? Yeah. Wanna make something of it? This is one of the few films (along with recent fave, Once) that actually sells a relationship to me. It didn't work for a lot of people. Their loss.

Honourable Mentions (in no particular order) - all 10/10 or near enough in my eyes

• The Third Man
• M
• Metropolis
• Apocalypse Now
• The Empire Strikes Back
• The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (Il Buono, Il Bruto, Il Cattivo... hehe)
  
• Unforgiven
• Shawshank Redemption
• Dr Strangelove
• The Shining
• The Lives Of Others
• Pan's Labyrinth / The Orphanage (a double bill to die for)
• No Country For Old Men
• Blade Runner
• Princess Mononoke / Spirited Away / My Neighbour Totoro
• All three Bourne Movies
• etc etc etc

There's no way to do these polls right. Never mind.
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Not a real news story...

Police announced a worldwide hunt today for the actor Eric Roberts - brother of noted celebrity and millionaire actress, Julia.

Authorities first became aware of his disappearance following the blatant appearance of an imposter using his name in the recently released, The Dark Knight, which is currently screening worldwide to generally positive reviews.

"The imposter clearly hadn't done his research", said Police Deputy Wyatt Home yesterday, "It was clear within a second that this man had none of the attributes we associate with the real Mr Roberts".

The deputy went on to list the real Mr Roberts' attributes in question;

"Well, there's his terrible acting, his immense punchability, and the tendency for audience members to wish they were dead when they see his face on a Cinema screen."

The deputy confirmed that any members of the public who may have felt familiar Eric-Roberts-like symptoms were presumably taken in by the imposter's near perfect hair and make up work.

"Sure, he looked like him", said Home, "But only a fool would associate the Eric Roberts I know with a half decent acting performance like this one."

He went on to point out that almost no review he has read so far describes "Roberts" as miscast, lousy or excreble, a hitherto unheard of event.

The deputy was unable to add any more evidence to his claims; "you just watch the screen and you know. This performance... the discrepancies... it's not something that you can doubt. That just isn't him"

When asked whether or not this claim could be, in fact, a repeat of the "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" events of 2005, where the same authorities would not accept a solid performance from Val Kilmer, the deputy refused to speculate.

A















To Eric Roberts fans - this is only for fun and is a total in-joke! I didn't mean to upset you both.
To everyone else - he really is quite good in Dark Knight (yes it is really him).
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Movie Review: Kentucky Fried Movie

A little introduction for the unitiated... this film is the first by the Kentucky Fried Theatre group, for around 1976ish or something, and these guys where, Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker. This particular film is a collection of the sketches they were performing at the time in their tiny shows in clubs around America. Or something, I forget. It's directed by John Landis, which may explain some of the famous cameos.

I've seen this a couple of times now and the sad fact is that most of the sketches don't stand up to repeat viewing. The hit rate is good though, and the deadpan news anchors and presenters are excellent as is the second best performance from George Lazenby ever, in the form a trailer for the sadly lost Samuel L. Brokowitz production "That's Armaggedon!"

And its in these scenes where deadpan performance is used, where the laughs still come for me - the sillier ones, including a trip to the cinema (to "see you next wednesday", obviously) in "feelaround" just aren't funny second time around. As an aside the second longest sketch, the courtroom scene, is just about the least funny sketch in histry, full of the lamest puns imaginable.

All of this is by the by, since they are all eclipsed by the longest sketch, the frankly sublime "Fistful Of Yen" - Kung Fu Action blockbuster in the Bruce Lee mould. Its a good half hour, maybe more, long and contains some of the best comedy acting ever, and even some very decent fight scenes, too. Attention to detail is supreme here, with even the smallest opportunity for a continuity error taken advantage of - there are so many of these errors I lost count (example, guy jumps through plate glass window to escape, moments later his friend falls throught he SAME plate glass window after being shot! By a toy robot!)

It also serves as a good indicator of where the three of them (Z,A & Z) were going - since many scenes in this extended chopsocky riff are almost dry runs of the "Airplane!" style - I don't want to spoil too many, but in particular a good example of this "prefiguring" is upon his breaking into a secret area, our hero blends in with A TOUR GROUP! They're being shown around the base like its a museum and the guide is kind enough to point out the main threats for our hero to disable. It's been done since, i know, but this is just one of the things that stood out as Airplane! style jokes.

The central performance, by the way, is nothign short of perfet, in every way Evan Kim (he was in the Dead Pool, you know) is Kung Fu Comedy perfection years before Kung FU Hustle was even dreamed of. He's not the spitting imageof Bruce Lee, but close enough to be funny, and as a physical comedian and mangler of the English language ("dis is nod a shawwade!") he is nigh on godlike.

The film as a whole? Pretty good actually, the first time - I wouldn't watch it again any time soon - though perhaps I would just for Fistful Of Yen. There are more good sketches than bad ones and you'll probably laugh more than you would if watching "Scary Movie" or "Epic Movie" or any of those other sketch-shows-pretending-to-be-movies out there at the moment. 7/10 cos of Fistful.

I give Fistful itself 9/10 even though it's just not long enough. Why waste your time with the rest of the movie? I want more crazy kung fu jokes!

A word of warning. This film contains a lot of Breasts. Many many many breasts, and two simulated sex scenes (and another cut short) - t's not one to watch with children or the easily offended. Plus you must watch out for the best Donald Sutherland cameo ever - forget JFK - this is the one!

A
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Your global flag - a post out of left field.

The last two pictures here are my own ideas and if you want to share them I would ask that you at least name check me when you do.

I'm a big fan of mankind taking a realistic view of its place in the universe. I am also interested in flags. Great!

Occasionally something will come along that really captures my imagination and I make no apology for the large number of pictures in this post - most of mine have none so you should be grateful for the variety.



I saw this hideous monstrosity while being impressed by the national flag of the Seychelles (very pretty - look it up).

This version of the "Earth Flag" is just vile. It doesn't look anything like a flag as we know it, and very likely it would be useless in inter-system relations since any earth type planet would look kind of similar. It also seems to place us ALONE at the centre of the universe (at least thats the feeling I get from it). I carried on looking for Earth Flags in the hope I'd find a more satisfying one.

I then found this next one:




It was designed by James W. Cadle, and SETI in particular are big fans and use it at their bases, since it gives some relevant and no egomaniacal information - we are a very blue planet with one moon (two I guess, but we won't count Stephen Fry's Cruithne) that circles a yellow sun.

I liked this approach very much but, being me, I wasn't satisfied. I took Cadle's idea a couple of steps further and added another piece of information - how many planets out from the sun we are and came up with the following. I inadvertently appear to have created a 3d effect as a result - nice...

I also increased the relative size of the sun to a straight line. Why not reinforce our genuine size?



This has in turn its advantage of being totally transferable a system throughout our solar system - see the design I came up with for Mars, below. A Heraldic or goverment stamp could be placed in the main planetary body if you like, but I prefer my flags nice and simple.



Two moons? Check... Fourth Planet Out... Check

I'm really quite proud hence me sharing it with you. All of my designs are of course inspired greated by James Cadle's and so nuff respect to him.

What do you think of the concept of an Earth Flag itself? It's fairly useless for interplanetary relations since there aren't any (THAT WE KNOW OF!) so its function would purely be as the symbol of our world and our place in the galaxy.

It could serve as a rallying point for pro earth movements... or just be a waste of blue yellow and black material.

Anyway... anyone fancy making me a real Earth one to my design? That'd be cool!

A

addendum:

Those yankees and their crazy ideas. I hate this, but this is to demonstrate flexibility of design.
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Gold Medal in ambivalence

As an additional point to my earlier rant about the idiot elitist I'd like to ask a question about these Olympic Games... for the other 3.95 years of the olympic cycle, does anyone actually follow Shotput as closely as, say, I would follow Football or Cricket? If so, those guys must get so hacked off around this time in the cycle, when all of a sudden their private worlds are shattered by fifteen million people suddenly watching and thinking they understand shotput.

The situation would be just the same as the first time I tried to explain Cricket to an American. Every single assumption they make is just plain wrong. This issue must be redoubled for the hardcore shotput or pole vault fans, since the ingroup and outgroup differ in such wild and huge terms. You and relatively few others around the world follow the sport religiously and then BAM! Suddenly every half wit with a TV is tryiong to judge the skills of your heroes. I bet its really annoying. It would be easy to just lose it and get all elitist here, but WHY?

Surely more people sharing your interests is a good thing? It means more investment and more athletes taking part, which both ultimately will lead to more success and better competitions.

This is why that guy annoyed me so much the other day. More people playing board games is a good thing since more board games will get made as a result - some will suck, some won;t, a few will be great games that would never have been made otherwise.

Grr... Impressive that I managed to get in another moan at his expense while simultaneously being topical. Maybe I should go into journalism....

I also had to laugh today at the people trying to play down the political overtones to these games... THE GAMES ARE POLITICAL! Get over it. If they weren't political, why'd your president turn up? Sigh... seems Putin stole a march on you guys, anyhow, as far as getting news time is concerned.

A
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A big bloody great Torch! On the roof!

Oh, wait... that's a Russian Tank firing into a foreign country... oh damn.

For people who are into the hilarious goings on of the dumb political world, a wonderful shot today during the BBC's Olympics coverage of a suddenly confused and worried President Bush in the deafening "birds nest" trying to get Vladimir Putin to come over and take interest in what he had to say - probably the exact moment he heard about the Russian and Georgian conflict.

Thing is, he's probably only annoyed because the Georgians are taking troops out of Iraq to help out the ones at home. "Come on guys, THIS IS YOUR HOME NOW!"

Seriously... I wonder what the big deal is over a tiny pseudo country in the middle of nowhere. It can't possibly be that an enormously important pipeline taking energy to the West goes through there can it?

Sometimes things are so transparent its just a joke. Russia is in an absurdly dominant military position over the Georgians so the only way the Georgians have a hope in hell is if the West back em up! But how far is the west going to go? Not far enough to keep Georgia in possession of South Ossetia. Nice political move, Mr Putin. You've clearly played the board game Diplomacy in your childhood.

I'll post a less acidic entry when I can think of something...

Good game, diplomacy, by the way. Look it up.

A
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Algo RANT! Popular = Bad

At the games club today (wanna come guys? just ask and I'll give you the wheres and whens) I was confronted with my least favourite type of gaming person - the elitist.

Elitism is a horrific disease and makes me really frikking angry every time I come across it. In this case, it was in a reasonably trivial area regarding a certain game (Settlers of Catan in fact) that he posited was a "terrible game" for no aparent reason other than that it was popular with the "great unwashed".

I hate this argument. Since when did popular equal bad?

His argument develops into the position that if something appeals to lots of people it must be dumb, since most people are idiots - quite an insulting point of view if you consider yourself one of "most people".

In my bad old days I would have taken him for a spin in the logic train, and probably ended up spoiling the whole night for five people, but since I stopped drinking I'm a lot more balanced an individual, so we avoided that horrid outcome.

Come to think of it though this happens all the time - bands lose fans when they get famous because they have "sold out", artists work is accused of being "populist" etc etc etc.

The reason behind this is quite simple, people who make accusations of popular=bad are those who also believe that unpopular=good. The reasoning is quite simple, these are individuals who spend a lot of their time on the wrong side of popularity, not necessarily because they're not nice people but probably because they have shyness problems or lack certain social skills.

I really don't want to pick on this guy since I am sure he's nice enough, but it's very comforting to believe that you are part of an elite group - the only ones that realise everyone else is wrong and believe the worst thing that can happen is that everyone starts liking what they like, since then they are not "special" any more. This happens with bands as well - ever find a song or an artist you thought was specially your own, and started shouting from the rooftops that they are brilliant, only to find you are just one of a million voices saying the same thing? I know I have.

To broaden the example, there are two really "zeitgeisty" games out there at the moment, Agricola and Race For The Galaxy. The popularity of these games draws out people who want to appear different and special in synonymising their "likes and dislikes" with "good and bad" in the same way people would use good and right interchangably.

The irritating thing is, that by almost no measure are these games bad. If you think they are bad, then thats all your opinion is - that YOU DON'T LIKE THEM. It's a natural human response to the world to generalise but in this case generalising your opinion to be that of everyone else is just annoying.

For a musical example, many people don't like Coldplay. I know many who liked them until they "sold out" and made more stadium rock albums from their second one on. Problem is - they're not BAD. I'm not a huge fan, I can take them or leave them (Fix You is a great song, Talk is not, for example) but they are not a bad band. I've seen far too many pub rock bands doing Greenday covers to call Coldplay "Bad".

So do me a favour and temper your word use next time you use "good " or "bad" and think about what you really mean. Maybe we can get these words back to their original meaning.

A,
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Move Review: The Seventh Seal

This film has been so well covered elsewhere I won't bore you with the usual "it's a true classic film" crap. It's also summarised well in a great song by Scott Walker.

It is good, no question - a superb treatise on death and hopelessness that has, bizarrely, a bunch of laugh out loud moments!

I can't give it a higher score than 8/10 because I just didn't have that kind of fun, and afterwards I felt a bit nonplussed by the whole thing, compared to how I thought I would feel.

True movie classics have this problem, everyone thinks they know what to expect, all the best bits tend to have been spoiled by decades of list shows and personal recommendations (The Third Man is the worst victim of this for me), and The Seventh Seal is no exception.

It also seriously suffers from the "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" effect - frequently scenes set off a silly set of references (particularly in the self flagellation scenes I kept having visions of guys hitting themselves in the face with wooden blocks).

Its budget shows sometimes, though this is only to be expected given the different setting, and they did a great job of hiding the shortcomings of their budget here.

Acting is a bit patchy, and I think this is what costs it true classic status in my eyes and dates it quite seriously - some of the actors are hamming it up big time (the blacksmith and his wife, the actor) and I can't reconcile their sylised performances with the fantastic and fairly naturalistic Knight, and the outstanding Squire.

The squire by the way is utter genius and acts as our narrator and our link into the world, asking the questions and making the observations that draw us into the events.

Its a great film, and I'm not some nutter who can't see that, but if everyone was acting in the same style I'd enjoy it more, but the difference between the actors' styles really stops it being one of my favourites.

A
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How well will you take the test today?

I've never liked exams.
That's not to say I am rubbish at them, my exam results are all pretty good, but wait! I've fallen into a trap right there!

Already I am defending my scores in these tests as if to try and justify myself. Jeez!

Let me put this a different way.

Exams are useless. At least in my opinion, since for example I have an A-Level in German.

Can I speak German? Barely.

But as you get older of course employers will appreciate this and not expect you to be able to reel off pages of German phrases at their pleasure, so what do exam results mean at this point in my life?

Now, my understanding of the point here is to show your mental abilities, insofar as learning and regurgitating information, you know, like learning a new process and putting it into action at work. Thing is - exams are totally useless for this.

An exam shows just one thing, as far as I am concerned - how well you do exams. I know many folks will be up in arms about this belief, but bear with me - an exam is a couple of hours out of your life and takes place in a high pressure environment devoid of your learning materials, notes etc (I know some exams don;t have such restriction, but I have never taken one) and in this respect it is the exact OPPOSITE of the work environment, and becomes almost entirely a memory exercise.

There are a billion things that can mess you up on a single day, eg a bereavement, illness, dreaded mental blocks, dustractions, lack-of-sleep-cos-you-were-worrying-about-exams etc etc.

What do good exam results prove? How well you revise for, and do, exams. If this is what a company wants from its employees (er.. can't think of a company that would right now) then fine, but I can't see that exam results by themselves help tell anyone about anything, other than how good they were at the exams.

It's a lot like IQ tests, which are meaningless measures in and of themselves, since all scores are measured against only those other people who did this test, and even then there are too many other variables to consider to say you have "an IQ of 135". For these to be useful everyone who did one would instead have to do many many of them - about 1000 maybe, and EVERYONE IN THE WORLD would have to do them at the same moment- then it would be meaningful.

I prefer the idea of 100% coursework based scoring, but this is about as likely to happen as my lovely wife turn out to be an Axe Murderer.

The misunderstanding of what IQ tests really mean reminds me of a blog I saw today on BBC - about the press' use of dodgy surveys to make their point. This has been going on for years and is really really annoying - this is the way that stupid made up crap gets credence.

If you see a particularly awful one, let me know. They're hilarious!

A
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I am now on the road to being a Cyberman!

I had my first ever filling today - a surprising statistic for those folks who know about my sweet tooth. Well, not so much tooth, more sort of whole mouth.

I don't know what all the fuss is about with fillings, I had one moment of discomfort when the anaesthetic needle went in and felt a bit odd as the dentist and nurse both fell silent and waited for about two minutes while it took effect without saying anything - I kept expecting them to say something like - "YOU WILL TALK NOW, MR BOND!"

Anyhoo... onequick drill later and I am walking along wondering what the thing stopping my mouth closing is - it turned out to be my anaesthetised cheek. Isn't that fun.

Also capped (hehe... sorry for the pun) the day off by seeing Timon Of Athens at Shakespeare's Globe - the coolest theatre in London. Good play - its nice to see some shakespeare that isn't the eight ones you ALWAYS see!
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Thought I would share this with you all.

I've had a few business meetings like this in my life...


In The Know: Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex
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Movie review: ONCE

What a fantastic little film this is!

Made on a microscopic budget it centres around a friendship between a busker and a piano playing immigrant from the Czech Republic.

And shock horror! It's a sort of musical - the lady kicks this songwriter up the arse and gets him into gear, and into the recording studio and we get the results in front of us.

The budget according to the making of was a mere £100k, and the songwriters in he film actually wrote all the songs and very pretty they are too. Because of the lower budget and different subject matter I was at a bit of a loss how to justify the high score in normal terms.

The actors, considering the main characters aren't really actors is fantastic, the direction is laissez-faire in style and to get more naturalistic performances from the leads, many shots were done by long lens out of sight of the two main characters to free them up a bit and it REALLY pays off.

The story is, of course, an old one, but the whole crew and cast should be applauded for avoiding the really obvious cliches and particularly in the guy's (none of the characters of any note are referred to by name) relationship with his father tonnes is said with almost no dialogue.

Whoopee!

I have been a bit sensible in knocking halff a point off, since after a while the music starts to get a litte samey (after all, its a heartbroken guy singer songwriter so Damien Rice/David Gray style is the order of the day) and its not my first choice of prodution values... the songs are good enough to rise above these restrictions and I came out the other side of this film loving every minute.

I will temper this by saying its not for everyone, not a huge amount happens and it may be a little low key for everyone's tastes, but all in all, I find it almost faultless on its own merits...

Hence 9.5/10.

I hope if you do see it, you like it as much as I did. If not, I will understand though - it may not be for everyone.

A

P.S. Good and Interesting by the way (not dull and bad)
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In Happier News - Pacific Ocean Blues

I finally got through my nice new copy of Pacific Ocean Blue by the middle boy, Dennis Wilson.

Having listened to it three times today, please good god hear it.

It is truly wonderful - beg borrow or in extreme cases even BUY a copy for yourselves. It is gorgeous, but in a different way to Brian Wilson's work, SMiLE and classics like Pet Sounds.

It has a certain amount of crazed randomness and dramatic tone and key shifts like a sort of seaside Forever Changes. The new version also contains a second CD with his unfinished (due to that old drug problem) work towards a second album.

Dennis was the first of the three Wilsons (he was the middle son, Brian the eldest and Carl the youngest) to record a solo album. Not bad for the drummer eh?

I hope you hear this and enjoy it. Difficult to say whether it has a lasting quality like SMiLE has for me, but time will tell. It certainly sounds great to me right now.

A
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A plague of boils to the council and to my thieving neighbours!

Sigh.... since our bin got stolen a second time (we got it back again, and it now has our house number on it about four times) and the council bounced a refund check on me I am not feeling too happy about you OTHER people right now, to be honest.

The thing is, I get really annoyed when I have to be unreasonable before listen to me, I'm usually a fairly tolerant guy, not being the most perfectly reliable financial wizard in the world, and having worked in call centres and in customer service industry I understand its hard to get things done perfectly first time. But in this case its just daft.

I didn't cancel a direct debit - big deal, you can see and I can see you owe me money, so lets close down the account and you send me a cheque for the difference ok? We can be reasonable about this right?

If ONLY!

Apparently because they hadn't been told who the new tenants at our old place were they couldn't close our account. I tried to establish exactly how this was our problem, since we were clearly living at a new address and paying cash to the new council but in order to get this across I had to act entirely out of character (luckily I have experience at improvising total knob characters since a certain female director always used to cast me as them - lucky I didn't slip into my american accent halfway through).

It took two minutes of ear bashing to get the supervisor and then another five to demonstrate they weren't going to be able to get rid of me without making some assurances. What a waste of time for everyone concerned. GRRRR!!!!

Thing is, they then send the cheque (second class and arriving two weeks later) so I pay it in. I then notice they have our address wrong on the letter they sent (flat E not Flat E, apparently in Southwark-Council-Land, Bravo starts with an E!) and inform them.

Guess what?

THEY CANCEL THE CHEQUE!!!

The reason? Their system needed to reset and send a new cheque to Flat B.

This is a little annoying since it takes me overdrawn - and banks these days don't do temporary overdrafts. Cheers, dickwads!


So folks, I need a little bit of new faith in humanity - please add aq comment with a story of generosity or true neighbourly spirit to cheer me up. I'd like everyone who reads this to post, I don't mind if its anonymous! I just need some good vibes and SOON!

A
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Movie Review: Algo's Movie Review Criteria

I rate movies based purely on my positive or negative reactions to them - if I don't feel strongly either way, they are a 5/10. The great thing about writing a blog is being allowed to be as opinionated and unfair as you like - its very liberating.

Kingdom Of Heaven, for example, got 6/10 for having a few good performances (from Saladin, Siddig and Ed Norton), Cat People got 5 cos I really couldn't care less - it wasn't bad, just average.

Oh, I should mention that being dull is for me the ULTIMATE and greatest crime a film can commit, even the awful ones tend to be fun. A film that is really really bad is worse than a fairly good, yet dull film, however (stand up, Alone In The Dark!). You'll read in the reviews whether I found it excruciatingly dull or not.

Despite my silly insistence on marks out of ten there are really only four types of films for me, good and bad; Dull and Interesting.

That's really it for my explanation - hope you all keep reading the reviews and this helps you understand where I am coming from.
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