Watching bad movies + Mates = Fun

This is a formula to remember. NEVER EVER watch bad movies alone.

Take this example... Uwe Boll (purveyor of ultimate shite) wants to make a movie of computer game "Alone In The Dark" a survival horror game.

He casts, and this is classic, the great Christian Slater, Tara Reid and Stephen Dorff.

Oh dear lord that is a cast to avoid. I like Slater, I really do, but here he is hampered by just about the worst script I have ever experienced. One that not only is incapable of building tension, creating emotion or shocks but also lumbers the lead character with a VOICEOVER narration and gumshoe style exposition.

The script reminds me of really bad fan fiction that someone has dredged up and chucked, faeces like at a camera. It really stinks.

This film is also notable for having just about the most irrelevant scenes ever. One is a sex scene, place in the film for no reason at all other than cynical manipulation of the under 13s. It comes from nowhere, lasts 30 seconds and is then gone. Insert joke here.

This film does lead me to believe that some of the scripting is deliberately awful.. no studio exec would allow a film to be made with as lame a line as "Easy... she's the head curator of the occult exhibit" to explain who a character is. Or two seconds later "At least it helps you forget about your boyfriend, huh?"

This movie even contains as schoolboy an error as editing a scene for slightly too long so a recently offed character (who we didn;t care about by the way) actually starts to get up! I thought maybe they've gone with a zombie thing, but NO! She's shown again as dead in the next shot. Just pitiful.

What the hell.. haven;t we petitioned the end of this guy's career yet? If you haven't signed it yet.. please please please sign the petition at THIS ADDRESS.


You'll be doing us all a big favour in the long run. This guy makes McG look like David Lean. Brett Ratner looks like Kubrick next to this idiot.

You'll see on my "last five films" list (unless I've seen more than four since now) I gave this outrageous piece of crap 0/10. Its really impossible to express how truly appalling this sorry excuse for filmmaking.

That being said it's perfect for watching with a drink and some mates and adding your commentary to. Just make sure you DON'T pay any money for it. That'll just encourage him to make more.

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